Meditation Mishaps and Miracles: My Not-So-Perfect Journey into Silence

There are countless ways to meditate.
Throughout my life, the topic kept popping up, and every time I thought: "Yeah, but how though?!" Sure, there’s a ton of information online — endless guided meditations where a soothing voice tells you exactly what to do while you just sit back and relax. Sounds easy, right? Well, in my case, I would blissfully drift off, only to be jolted awake when that calming voice suddenly started speaking again — leaving me completely confused about where I was supposed to be in the story.
At the bottom of a staircase? Hugging my inner child? Walking out of a forest (wait, was I even in a forest?)?

Still, meditation kept intriguing me.
Something deep down told me it could offer me something powerful.
Determined to finally crack the code, I decided to take a course. Because hey, learning from experts is the fastest way, right?
And of course, I didn’t start small — no, I dove straight into a pretty intense course: 10 days of Vipassana meditation.
Because... why not?
Clearly, something inside me was screaming for change.
And since I love flipping my life upside down from time to time, I thought: this will do it. I’ll come out a completely new person.
Well... let’s just say it was an experience.

I stuck it out for all 10 days, following every instruction to the letter — because if there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s following instructions like a champ.
Picture this: 50 men on the left, 50 women on the right, all meditating together in total silence.
It’s an experience I’ll never forget.
I shared a room with two other girls, and oh right — you're not allowed to talk.
For ten whole days.
Which is... strange.
How do you share experiences with your roommates? How do you say good morning or wish them goodnight?
You just don’t.
At first, it felt less like inner peace and more like... awkward silence.
But honestly, after the initial weirdness wore off, I kind of loved it.
You focus entirely on yourself, without being pulled into small talk or someone else's life story (especially the ones who only want to talk about themselves and have zero interest in you).

Speaking of self-care: the food matched the theme perfectly — healthy, healthy, and even healthier.
Which, let’s just say, wasn’t exactly my daily diet at the time.
While I was supposed to be focusing on my breathing during meditation, my thoughts often wandered... to McDonald’s fries with that irresistible sauce.

Anyway, back to the meditation itself.
You start by focusing on simple sensations, by following your breath in and out through your nose.
For hours. And more hours.
Eventually, you "expand" your awareness, scanning your entire body from head to toe, noticing every tiny sensation.
Reach the top? Start over.
The goal is to let any thoughts that arise simply drift by — no clinging, no reacting.
Sometimes I managed it.
Sometimes... not so much.
Honestly, I often found it boring and wished something more exciting would happen — because I was used to constant movement, distractions, and noise.

As the final challenge, you had to sit completely still for an hour.
That earned me a lovely injury (thankfully healed after years of therapy — yes, really).

After ten days of silence, ten hours of meditation per day, no phone, no books, no notebook (the highlight of the day was literally a walk),
I truly felt reborn.
When we were finally allowed to speak again, it actually felt strange. I missed the silence immediately.

I still remember my parents picking me up.
Trying to explain what had happened — especially what had changed inside me — proved almost impossible.
Later, my then-boyfriend picked me up. He was nursing a massive hangover, and not long after, we ended up at McDonald's.
(And yes, I was back to those fries in no time.)

After the course, the idea was to continue meditating for one hour every day to maintain the practice.
I managed exactly two days.
After that, I still understood the technique, but it didn’t give me the massive transformation I had hoped for.
Big life changes didn’t magically happen — although... a few months later, my relationship ended, and that did set a whole new course for my life.

After almost 12 years of living in Amsterdam, I decided in 2017 to pack my things and move abroad.
A leap into the unknown... and that's where the real adventure began.

To be continued. Part 2 is coming soon!